a friendly parody of Hot Abercrombie Chick's Blog
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Wednesday, March 17, 2004
HAC is a Communist!
Sources reveal startling new information.



Secret Banner Ad for HAC's Campaign

An informant from Poughkeepsie who has been keeping close tab's on Hot Abercrombie Chick and her Presidential campaign discovered this banner ad carelessly left on HAC's computer screen while she was away at class. I mean--discovered this banner ad left out in a completely public area where it would not have been a crime to discover it...




Photo from an informant in North Korea

Apparently HAC isn't only campaigning in the Blog world. One can only wonder what subversive tactics she will attempt to win the election, and what horrors would ensue is she was actually elected.
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By NotAbercrombie @ 8:19 PM




Tuesday, March 16, 2004
"Why I hate trolls:

This blog is nothing but a troll. It is filled with inflammatory remarks for the sole intent of gaining readership. There is no value to it at all. No critical thinking. No use. This will be my only remark in an attempt to dissuade others from readimg more of this crap. Don't feed the trolls."

--Abraxas

Well now that's just plain silly. This is pure entertainment for me and for other people who see how funny it is for silly little people to get worked up about ideas (on a parody site, even) that are contrary to their own. I'm not making any money from it, so profit is out as a motive for this 'gaining readership' goal you think I have. There's no personal information about me, and I'm not writing about my own life or my beliefs. So the motivation of feeling 'accepted and popular' is out of the running too. So why in the heck would I be out to amass a bunch of readers? Maybe people just find the site funny--after all, they seem to keep coming.

No inflammatory remarks showed up until some silly little Wiccan girl got picky about which side of the star pointed up on the pentagram in one of my modified-HAC pictures. And can you blame me for having fun with a person who complains about something like that on a parody site? I'm out for entertainment, and I'm getting tons of it.
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By NotAbercrombie @ 9:12 PM




Sunday, March 14, 2004
Woo! I Have Stupid Readers!
Hail Mary...



"NAC TeenWitch happens to be very true. To grow up you must respect people even if what they do is wrong. NAC your recent comment was now insulting the Muslim religion by saying it is wrong. I am ashamed you are Christian like myself. Doesn't our God teach us forgiveness? I know al Queda is wrong but they are not a religion, they are a cult. Cults are wrong and guess what? There are so many Christian cults out there too. And wicca is not a cult. It is a religion because by definition a cult is a religious group you cannot leave and must neglect to speak with your family. Wicca is a real religion because you may leave if you wish to convert to another religion. And you can still see your family every day."

"And here is the American dictionary's definition of a cult:
A religion or religious sect generally considered to be extremist or false, with its followers often living in an unconventional manner under the guidance of an authoritarian, charismatic leader."

"Now didn't that just sound like what I said to you? How old are you... 14? I learned about cults when I was in high school. Didn't you? Well you better be aware about cults now because when you finish high school or college thats when the cults get their members."

"If you hate Al Queda because of what they are DOING that's one thing because they are being brainwashed by their leaders. . . . Do you understand what I am saying? You respect the person and their religion but it may be the actions they do with the religion that you may think is wrong."

--Mary (from the Child Pornography discussion)

Response:

Silly, silly Mary. She got way up on her high horse talking about how we need to respect other people's beliefs even if they are wrong. But then she was incredibly disrespectful of beliefs she disagreed with herself. So Mary, let's see if I can help you out here.

1. 'Cult' or 'Religion' is a arbitrary label.

Sure, you can try to define what a cult is to make it seem like some different form of religious belief, but it just doesn't work. All of these words are just labels for the kinds of things that people believe. That's why someone like me can say "Wicca isn't a religion," and you can say that it is. There is nothing about Wicca, Christianity, Islam, or any other belief system that makes them a religion--that's just a label. And 'cult' is just a label as well. It is a disrespectful label that you give to groups of people whose belief systems don't fit in with yours.

2. Fools rely too heavily on the dictionary

I know little ol Mary thinks she can pull out her dictionary and solve the controversy, but it just doesn't work like that. You may have noticed that there are many different dictionaries, all with differing definitions. Not only that, but many words have more than one definition listed within the same dictionary. If you were a bit smarter, you would realize that people's usage of words creates these definitions, and that use is always changing. Why? Because all of those artificial labels like 'religion' or 'cult' don't have any true physical existence--they are only ways to describe things. And you really can't demand "My way of describing is RIGHT!" If I want to say that Wicca does not count as something that falls under this label called 'religion,' then I have every right and the authority to do so, just as you have the right to say otherwise. There is no 'true definition' floating around out there.

3. Calling something a 'cult' is disrespectful

We all know that words have connotations. 'Cult' has very negative connotations--as Mary has shown, people use it to label groups of people who believe things that people like Mary don't like. Let's look at little Mary's definition again:

A religion or religious sect generally considered to be extremist or false, with its followers often living in an unconventional manner under the guidance of an authoritarian, charismatic leader.

Well, it says extremist OR false, and we all generally think that things we disagree with are false. So if I disagree with, let's say Catholicism, I would think that it is false (not saying that I do). Living in an unconventional manner according to what standards? 'Unconventional' is another one of those words that people use to insult people different from themselves. So if I think it is 'unconventional' to go to Mass, refrain from using birth control (for those Catholics who do), and the like, then Catholicism hits this mark too. Now for the 'under the guidance of an authoritarian, charismatic leader' part. Well, the Pope does tell people what they shouldn't do, and many people probably consider him charismatic, so I guess Catholicism, if you disagree with it, could be called a cult according to this definition.

It's a silly label, of course. And we all know that we use it to speak in derogatory terms about lifestyles that we don't approve of. But if, as Mary preaches, we ought to be so accepting, shouldn't we stop insulting people's religious beliefs just because they seem 'unconventional' to us? A bit hypocritical, aren't you Mary?

4. Al Queda a cult?

Let's revisit Mary's words once more:

"If you hate Al Queda because of what they are DOING that's one thing because they are being brainwashed by their leaders. . . . Do you understand what I am saying? You respect the person and their religion but it may be the actions they do with the religion that you may think is wrong."

First of all, little Mary, you don't know that they are being 'brainwashed' by their leaders. You of course assume that they must be brainwashed, because you disagree with them and are repulsed by their actions. But you aren't entitled to say that. Unless of course I can say that Wiccans or Catholics or whoever are also brainwashed. That's just another one of those terms that you use to insult people who you strongly disagree with.

Okay now Mary, I'll try to make this simple: The people in Al Queda believe, as part of their religion, that they are permitted to engage in what you would call terrorist actions. You can't say "I respect what they believe, but not what they do," without contradicting yourself--they do what they do because they believe it is right. That's like saying "I respect your belief that you should blow up buildings and kill people, but I don't respect that you actually do it." Come on now, you know darn well that you don't respect beliefs like that.

Conclusion:

I was just having my fun with my parody site, but I couldn't resist attacking the idiocy and hypocrisy that seems to have hold over so many people on here. All of these people telling me to be respectful of other belief systems, while they themselves failed to do so. You know what? Drawing arbitrary lines between what you consider 'a respectable religion' and 'a scary cult' is no different than me saying that Wicca doesn't qualify as a religion and doesn't need to be respected. You can't honestly tell me that you respect a group you call a cult that believes in terrorism and murder and the like. But when you make distinctions based on what you think is right or wrong, you've already given up any claim to the kind of universal respect you preach about.



fun end-note

"But if it's not disrespectful to say that Satan is some figure made up by Christians, it isn't disrespectful to call Wicca something made-up by a bunch of weirdo social outcasts who thought that they would worship some spirits of the forest... right?-NAC

Um.. yes it is! wicca was not something made up by social outcasts who worship forest spirits, and the devil was a figure invernted by cristianity."

--by Gilly

Oooh, I get it! So it is not disrespectful to say "Bah, Satan is just something made up by Christians," but it is disrespectful to say that Wicca was made up? Of course, because Satan really was made up, but Wicca wasn't--so since is is true that Christians made Satan up, it isn't disrespectful. Gilly, you social outcast junior high reject, get a real religion.
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By NotAbercrombie @ 5:22 PM




Saturday, March 13, 2004
Wiccans Molest Children!
It's true...



Anyone who believe wicca isnt a real religion is very much mistaken. And for the record- christianity only exists to justify capitalism so, if anything, that isnt a religion! But, lets not go down that road.... or else im just as bad as those who say wicca isnt a real religion. Before you start a debate, may i suggest you know what you are talking about- for example, did you know wicca is the fastest growing religion in the USA? NO??? I'll try and be suprised.....

Dont try and debate things you know nothing about, its just sad. Oh, and remember- the only so called 'devil'- is ignorance.

-- from Melanie-Louise

-------------------------------------

Christianity only exists to justify capitalism? What a flippin' idiot! Is she talking about the Christianity of the Christ who told his followers to sell all their possessions, give the money to the poor, and follow him? We all know that the only people who whine about capitalism are the lazy, stupid, and poor. Often lazy, stupid, and poor college students who get caught up in all the liberal-socialistic hubbub going on around college campuses. Get a clue. There are people out there who are better and smarter than others, and they are entitled to own businesses and factories. If you don't like it, don't get a job! It's that simple. No one owes you a paycheck unless you earn it.

But anyway, back to the gothy girl thing. Wicca obviously cannot be the fastest growing religion in the USA since it isn't a religion. But of course there are little social outcast gothies who think it is cool--I won't deny that. I guess being an athiest just isn't cool anymore, eh? So the kids have to pretend to believe this whole Wicca thing. But we all know they don't believe it. They're just trying to rebel against all things Christian, because Christianity represent 'the establishment.' Ooh no!

If the only devil is ignorance, Wiccans are already burning in hell. See, I don't get it--if Wiccans are prepared to actually claim that they believe in these funny gods and goddesses, and in the spirits and powers of the four elements, why wouldn't they believe in a devil too? Oh yes, the reply is always "Satan is part of Christianity." And of course, since the goal of "believing" Wicca is just to do something unChristian, they can't recognize the devil. Silly kids.

The 'Four' Elements

Really, anybody who claims to believe in powers of the 'four' elements must be a blooming idiot or a liar. Because we all know that matter does not come in the types: earth, air, wind, and fire. These kids aren't totally blind to the facts, are they? The whole four elements thing just proves that Wicca is a long-dead religion.

And did I mention that all Wiccans are child molestors? All of them.
Abolish Wicca NOW!
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By NotAbercrombie @ 3:41 PM




Wednesday, March 10, 2004
Attack of the Wiccans!


Aaaah!

The Devil is Real!

"Well being that the pentagram is red and looks like its "burned" to her skin and the previous picture you made her look like a devil, I assumed [that the star in the picture of the previous post was meant to imply that HAC was Satan]. I never meant to disrespect Christianity. But it is true. There is no devil in Hindu,Buddhist or Pagan religions. That's why I said the devil was a figure created by Christianity. Thus I believe the devil's not real because that's not my religion."
--TeenWitch

Satan must be real, because TeenWitch has seen him! How else would she know that the previous picture of HAC looked like the devil? If there was no devil, nothing could look like the devil. Thus, the devil is real.

Wicca Isn't a Real Religion!

"Wicca is a religion just like Christianity, Jewish, Buddhism, Hindu and Muslim. If you altered any of their symbols I'm sure there would be massive debate on this board. Please be respectful to other religions. The pentagram is the symbol for Wicca. Not Satan who has nothing to do with Wicca and is just a figure created by Christianity."
--TeenWitch

Well, Wicca isn't quite like Christianity, "Jewish," Buddhism, Hindu, or "Muslim." The difference? Those are real religions! Meaning, ones that people actually follow (people who aren't disillusioned little goth girls who want to be different in a 'creative' way). Since Wicca isn't a real religion, it doesn't get to have a symbol. So the pentagram can be the symbol for whatever I want it to be for.

Now, since I have already proved that Satan is real, Wicca certainly must have something to do with Satan. Because only the devil would lead people away from the light and into the scary forest where they can chant and dance nude while pretending to make spells with the help of the goddess of the forest, or some mumbo jumbo like that.

Abolish Wicca NOW!
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By NotAbercrombie @ 10:07 PM




Child Pornography



Blogroll Me, Losers!

Reasons to Legalize Child Pornography:

1. Oops, she was under 18?

How many of us actually know how old those porno chicks are? We could be looking at a 15 year old for all we know. Is that our responsibility? How about those law enforcement people just work on catching the people who make child porn, so we don't have to worry about accidentally downloading a picture that will get us two years in the slammer?

2. No one gets hurt...

Sure, they say that looking at child pornography contributes to pedophilia and a variety of other bad things including but not limited to male pattern baldness and obesity. But does correlation imply causation? Maybe the people looking at child pornography are actually less likely to go and commit a crime because they have something to satisfy themselves with. Think of how many children will suffer if they actually eliminated child pornography! All those pervs will have nothing to satisfy their urges, so they will have to go out and get the real thing. Legalize child porn to save the children!

3. It's Fun!

Like downloading illegal music or movies, some people just get a thrill out of doing something forbidden. Would it make any difference if the girl in the picture was actually some emaciated 21 year old who looks like she's 13 because she starves herself? Probably not. But that thrill of looking up taboo porn is enough to make many people go out and look for the real thing. Legalize it, and the thrill is gone. We would have more luck getting rid of child pornography by legalizing it!

Legalize Child Porn NOW!
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By NotAbercrombie @ 10:48 AM




Tuesday, March 09, 2004
Abolish Welfare NOW!



Three Reasons to Abolish Welfare:

1. Poor People are Lazy!

That's right. My tax dollars are going to fatten up a bunch of welfare mommas and their seven dirty little children, and I'm mad about it! If these people would stop laying back and having babies and go out and get a job at McDonalds, they could actually buy their Big Macs instead of wasting the tax dollars of productive American citizens!

2. Poor People are Fat and Ugly

Since they're all feasting on fat-filled burgers and 128 oz sodas, welfare children are fat. We already know their mothers are fat, and these bad habits are being passed down to the next generation. And we all know that fat people tend to be ugly. Is it my responsibility to pay for ugly people to become even uglier so I can wait in line at the supermarket for them to buy a dozen boxes of donuts with food stamps while being revolted by their ugly faces and fat rolls? I think not!

3. MY Right to Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness

Hey, it makes me unhappy to pay taxes for welfare. That makes welfare unconstitutional, right? And what about liberty, don't I have the freedom to keep every bit of money I can earn? No wonder these fat slobs don't want to get off the dole, as soon as they do, the government starts taking away their money to pay for their lazy neighbors who didn't feel like getting a job! My life is being severely shortened by the stress the whole welfare state gives me.

Abolish Welfare NOW!
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By NotAbercrombie @ 9:56 AM




Abercrombie and What?



That's right Amanda, we see your true colors...


Welcome to NOT Abercrombie Chick!

Keep in mind that this is like, totally a friendly parody site. It is not at all, in any way motivated by jealousy. No, not at all. I'm not jealous, are you? I don't care that she gets a thousand visitors a day while us other folk get so few. I mean, her posts are so like, insightful! You know? I can see why so many people come to her Blog. It has nothing at all to do with her looks. That's silly.

So anyway, welcome to NOT Abercrombie Chick.
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By NotAbercrombie @ 8:38 AM










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